New Orleans style Red Beans and Rice

Ingredients

• Red kidney beans ([http://www.camelliabeans.com/ Camellia brand] is the standard)
  1 lb
• Smoked Sausage (I'm using smoked sausage from a cajun meat store in [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LaPlace

  _Louisiana LaPlace], but use what you like and have access to)
  1 lb
• onion (I'm using two small guys)
  1 Large
• of celery
  2-4 Stalks
• Green bell pepper
  1 unit
• Metric fuckton of garlic (although I'm too ashamed to photograph it

  I just used about a cup of the pre-chopped stuff from Sams)
  1 unit
• of beer (Abita Amber preferred

  but make sure not to use anything too bitter)
  1 Bottle
• Chicken broth
  1 unit
• bay leaves
  2-3 unit
• Thyme
  1 unit
• .5 teaspoon liquid smoke (double that if your sausage doesn't smell smokey)
  0 unit
• A few shakes of bitters
  1 unit
• [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sriracha Sriracha]
  1 unit
• And one small tortoise.
  1 unit